Acceptance

As I saw a glimpse of the posts at the Los Angeles harbor and a piece of my favorite ocean drawn into the land when I was driving home from work every day, the same relief always came over me. There was a celebration in my head. I was almost home! The place where I could finally rest and remove the seven hours of noise from my system. There were only a few minutes left to get out of the exit, go through the main street, travel on residential streets, and there it was. My little house, with its tiny backyard, where my dog, Arslan, and cats would greet me.

My house in San Pedro, California, was a joyful place. Some of the greatest moments of my life were spent there, where I basically adhered to my schedule with great zeal. On Weekdays, I had a great thing to look forward to upon my return from work. After Arslan's jumping with joy routine, he and I headed to Point Fermin Park by the ocean, where we spent a couple of hours taking in the ocean air and enjoying the park's beauty and its surroundings.

The park was situated on a cliff, offering a fantastic view of the ocean. The lighthouse was one of the most dominating features of this park, and our walks always started there. The path took us along the rocky edges of the shoreline, where occasional mini-parks opened up before us. One of the pine trees there offered an extended branch relatively low, which I used to sit on and dangle my feet just like a child would. Pine trees are always reminiscent of my childhood. I grew up surrounded by pine trees and have a deep affection for them in my heart. When I was a child, I used to collect the seeds from fallen pine cones and crack them open. That was one of my favorite activities.

We continued our walk onto a grassy area closer to the street, where there was an endearing house with a charming balcony overlooking the ocean. There were no trees, no buildings, nothing that obstructed the view of the ocean on this balcony. However, there was one huge problem, in my opinion. There was never a human being on it watching the ocean. I sat on the bench in the grassy area across from it and always observed the same calmness, a lack of interest in that side where the house was. My walks took me there almost every single day for a period of four years, and there I saw no sign of life on that balcony. And I always asked myself. Who wouldn't want to watch that majestic view offered in such abundance, literally at their fingertips?

The healing benefits of living near the ocean are unsurpassed, as far as my experience goes. The smog in Los Angeles had brought upon a particular irritation in my throat, which completely disappeared during the time I lived in San Pedro. I was finally happy and at peace with myself. The ocean air had been my savior.

In 2000, I met my husband, who was living and working in Vienna, Austria. The most logical solution to the distance issue was for me to move to Vienna. The process was quite daunting. I didn't want to leave Los Angeles. I loved San Pedro! I had to make numerous sacrifices for this unprecedented move. My parents, family, friends, work, university studies for my master's degree, and my pets. There were too many aspects that made the decision for this move quite difficult. I had planned to stay in San Pedro forever!

However, after I decided to move, I took care of my belongings, packed my personal items, and hired a company for international shipping. I then moved temporarily to my parents' house until the day I had to leave for Vienna, Austria. My walks by the ocean were now a thing of the past, as I acquired all the necessary documentation for myself and Arslan as well. My veterinarian provided me with significant assistance with the paperwork needed and ensured that everything was in order.

My parents were not initially well-disposed towards Arslan when I moved back in with them. The fact that he was a Pit Bull, specifically an American Staffordshire Terrier, concerned them. They really didn't know him that well. As the date for my departure neared, my father told me to leave him with them. Of course, I refused as I loved my dog. However, that comment put a big smile on my face as I knew that my parents had learned how sweet and wonderful Arslan was.

The date for my move finally arrived, and Arslan and I flew to Austria accompanied by my husband. We arrived in Vienna in January 2001, greeted by the cold weather.
The challenges and novelties I faced in Vienna during that time were multifaceted. Although my memory of San Pedro and my life always stayed with me throughout my day. Homesickness was a significant part of my daily living. Having Arslan with me did help, but it wasn't the same anymore. Things had changed; our lives had undergone a transformation. Naturally, the thought of myself making the right decision was always there in the background.

During the same year, my husband and I returned to Los Angeles to visit my family. After a few days of returning to L.A., I took the car we had rented and rushed down to San Pedro one morning all by myself. I had missed the ocean and the park so much. A hazy smog was covering the ocean on that day. I stopped the car right by one of the rocks that I used to sit on quite often on the cliffside. I went outside and watched the ocean for a while. Something was different. The ocean no longer had the same flair. The clouds had covered its waters, and there was an overcast sky, as if someone, somewhere, perhaps my inner voice, was telling me to go back, detach myself from all this, live my life, and accept the newly acquired circumstances. I could hear it so clearly now.

I walked slowly back to the car; my stay had been so brief compared to other times.

At that moment, I knew, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that this part of my life was definitely over.